Well said, Clark. You are a moron. How's that Stanford pick working for you? Anywho, I think that KU will win by 22 on a last-second three by the freaky red-haired kid that never plays because he's not as good as the really athletic black guys and that Russian guy who's not so good at the scoring.
On a somewhat-related note: To listen to my new favorite song about the 1969 Orange Bowl, visit lucubrations. Even if you are not a Jayhawk fan, I think you'll agree that "Hawk It To 'Em" is one dandy little ditty. And if you haven't already, take a look around the often brilliant, always varied, Proustian stylings of Getting-Older Wetzel.
And if that's not enough for you, I present my illustrated evolutionary history of the Jayhawk. Few people know this, but the Jayhawk is actually a real bird. It's enormous, mean, and lives in the Amazon.
"Dandy Jayhawk": Legend states that the original Jayhawk was a homosexual and may or may not have bunked with Oscar Wilde in London. But after years of therapy and intelligent redesign, he was in 1916 pronounced "straight as the bolts on a Pullman car."
"Perched Bird": After the controversy over the first mascot, university officials briefly renamed the official mascot to be "the fighting perched bird." This was before scientists discovered that coquettish perching is a definitive indication that a bird is gay.
"Asshole Jayhawk": No one liked this Jayhawk. He was just kind of an asshole. Always stomping around with his arms crossed. Rumor has it he lost a lot of money during Black Tuesday. He tried to commit suicide by jumping out of a building. But he was a bird, so...he just kind of flew around all angry, pooping all over stuff.
"Grizzled Jayhawk": This guy was also kind of a dick. He didn't trust "youngins or whipper snappers." And he certainly didn't approve of FDR's social programs. He did, however, approve of "killing every last one of them slanty-eyed bastards." The university recently issued an official apology for many statements made by Grizzled Jayhawk.
"Toe-Tapping Jayhawk": This is much like the Jayhawk we all know and love. Happy-go-lucky, optimistic, capable of crushing you in his enormous beak.
Which is your favorite Jayhawk and why?
6 comments:
This is probably the best Mabel post ever. And there have been plenty of instant classics -- so that's saying something.
I appreciate the kudos, Stetson. But I must know: Which is your favorite Jayhawk? And why?
Amongst all the steers, queers, Aggies, and broken bull horns in the Big Sky country of Texas, I hold the Jayhawk spirit high. Grant it, in nature, if a testosterone filled steer at the peak of mating season got a hold of any of the Jayhawks...God only knows how bad the Jayhawk would get it.
I have the current Jayhawk plastered everywhere in the house, on a rock, poster, key ring, even snuck the spirit bird into my lady friend's house. He's part of my generation, when I went to school back in the 'good 'ol days' of Natty lite and free rubbers.
Dandy Jayhawk looks well, Dandy. Just a little too 'happy' for me. Asshole Jayhawk looks like he has a foot coming out of his back side, and upset because he ran out of Bryant's bbq sauce swallowing the bitch. Toe tapping and Grizzled Jayhawks are exact opposites. Grizzled just got blue balled and Toe Tapping just got laid. Perched bird, I'll disagree doesn't look gay, but more like he's strategizing, ready at any moment to fly in for the kill.
So what am I saying? I'm saying my favorite is the modern Jayhawk. Word on campus recently was a marketing team hired to help promote the University tried to change the Jayhawk. They didn't but were fired from the project.
Clark Kellogg. You are a moron.
My favorite used to be the original jayhawk, the one you called out as a queer. He looks like something out of "steamboat willie" or some other early animated short. I can picture him strutting around to kazoo music, carrying a striped cane in one wing and a copy of "The Importance of Being Ernesto Q. Jay-Hawke" tucked under the other.
However, I'm going to have to go with the '46 Hawk as the all-time fav. They spent way way too much money on the new "KU" logo, for one thing. But more importantly, the '46 hawk was the one that saw us through to glory in '88 and eventual graduation from harvard on the kaw. It's a self-assured, friendly Jayhawk. It's a Jayhawk I would like to hang out with, maybe eat a few hot wings with (or would that be cannibalistic?). Anyway, you get the point. Post-war Jayhawk gets my vote.
I would have to say that Grizzled Jayhawk is my favorite. I don't fuck around, and I don't tolerate any fucking around. Therefore this pappy of the bird clan is right in my wheel-house.
I would have to say that Grizzled Jayhawk is my favorite. I don't fuck around, and I don't tolerate any fucking around. Therefore this pappy of the bird clan is right in my wheel-house.
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