Those of you that blog (and I believe that would be just two of you) know that reemerging from a posting hiatus is challenging, to say the least. And it's usually a little awkward when you do. Sort of like waking up from a Sunday afternoon nap, which I just did. You stumble into the kitchen, open the fridge, blankly stare at the contents for a minute, close the door, open the pantry, blankly stare, close the door, open the freezer, so on, so forth. In the end, you satiate your ravenous post-nap hunger by squirting chocolate syrup straight into your mouth.
Wait...how is that like blogging? I don't remember, I just woke up from a nap. Anyways, it's always good to take these things slow--pen a cranky rant about a poor, undereducated, well-intentioned cleaning lady. Or post a video (see Lucubrations). Or find a picture of Bushy Poo and hold the first-ever Mabel photo caption contest, which is what I'm presenting now. The above photo (from the 400th anniversary of the colonization of Jamestown) should lend itself to many, many winners. I shall not post again until five entries have I received.
While we're on the subject of Bushy...Let me just say that I'm not the biggest fan. But pretend for a minute that I'm an objective commentator...Just pretend. Does he have to compare every single thing to Iraq? Talking at Jamestown this weekend, he said, "From our own history, we know the path to democracy is long and it's hard...There are many challenges, and there are setbacks along the way. Yet we can have confidence in the outcome because we've seen freedom's power to transform societies."
Yeah, that's all true. Democracy is fuckin' hard. Democracy is fuckin' tough. But you know what, not everything is a direct parallel for that pesky Iraq situation. For example, there is Jamestown--not at all like Iraq. Unless you're talking about going to a foreign land and kind of fucking it up for the natives. Wait...I'm sorry. I'm getting political. And I'm not even really sure what my point was, or if I even had one. I think I napped 30 minutes too long. There's such a fine line when it comes to napping. Andoodle, I just imagine Bushy going through daily life and finding a way to compare everything to the war in Iraq. I imagine him saying something like this to Laura as they sit on the couch and watch American Gladiators:
"I tell you, Laura, I had a very productive and meaningful lunch today. It was a little before noon--just five and a half years after 9/11. And I knew I was hungry. I absolutely knew it. All intelligence was pointing to my midday hunger. My stomach was grumbling. All I could think was turkey sandwich. So I prayed, and God confirmed it: it was lunchtime. So I ordered a turkey sandwich from the kitchen, and everything started off great, really great. I ate the sandwich. And it was so good I wanted another. And so I ate another. Wheat bread, turkey, and mayo--an axis of deliciousness. And as I finished the second sandwich I thought: 'Mission Accomplished: Hunger Conquered!' I even had a banner printed. It's in the game room. But I'll tell ya', Laura, I did not anticipate what would come next. No one could have anticipated it. No one. That second sandwich made my stomach feel kind of funny. It crept out of nowhere and really blasted my insides. But I stuck it out. I wasn't about to let the turkey sandwich win. And that's when I took an antacid and went to sleep for three hours. And when I woke up, my tummy felt all better...It's just like our situation in Iraq. Iraq is just like the second turkey sandwich. And the nap is like us. Or maybe we're the antacid. Actually, the turkey sandwich was good, and so are we. Heck, all I know is that you're either with the turkey sandwich or against it."
Well, thanks for enduring my blank stare into the post-nap refrigerator of posting. This fit of banal and facile political satire has lifted my spirits and made me very hungry. I best be moving on. But please do send your caption submissions. And if you do, I shall promise to try to attempt get myself back to a more consistent schedule of inconsistent posting.
5 comments:
Entry numero uno...if you're lacking chocolate syrup for the post nap meal, a good cake donut works wonders. Could put you back to sleep too...cure for a hangover.
I appreciate the comment, anonymous. A good cake donut does indeed work wonders. But as true as that is, that observation doesn't really count as an entry. Only caption contest entries will count towards the total. But please don't let that keep you from future donut-related comments.
"No, I wasn't on any of those three, Mr. President. As I'm sure you'll recall, it was 1492 in which Columbus sailed the ocean blue."
"Excuse me Mr. President, do you think this helmet makes me look fat?"
"Well young man, as our situation in Iraq has taught us, loosing weight is a long and strenuous ordeal that requires commitment and a control over our desires to squeeze chocolate-sauce into our mouths."
I usually enjoy your bloggings, but it seems that you have ripped off sports illustrated for kids with this one.
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